Independent Dependent

They call us "dependents." But we are far from dependent. We are probably the most independent, self sufficient, determined and resolved group of married individuals on the planet. Honestly, sometimes, it feels like it'd be more accurate to call the military member the dependent, rather than us spouses, as they seem to be the ones that rely on us to make sure their lives run smoothly, to make sure that the bills are paid, the animals and kids taken care of, the meals on the table, the chores done around the house and all the million other little things that we do.

Who, pray tell, is packing our lunches? Washing our clothes? Pampering us? Attending our functions and supporting us? We are left alone for months on end and in foreign countries sometimes without our spouses there, due to their call to duty. We have learned to be self reliant and to not count or depend on anyone but ourselves. We have to...if we sat around wishing and hoping and whining that our spouses aren't able to be here or to do this, we'd not only go crazy, but we'd probably all become bitter and jaded. Of course it sucks...it'd be nice to have them there with us at our functions, at our ceremonies, in our day to day lives, but that's just not the way of this life we chose and we know that, so we push on and push aside the feels of loneliness, of sadness and of partial abandonment. We know that although we'd never dream of missing one of their big moments or achievements, they unfortunately, won't make it to most of ours or be there for those things. And sometimes they may not even realize how important something is to us, because heaven knows we'd never ask them to drop their lives and be there...why? Two reasons I think...1) because we know they can't always do that; and 2) because it'd be nice for them to consider these things and do them on their own without prompting (if extenuating circumstances don't prohibit them from actually doing that, of course) and we also don't want them to feel obligated to do things. So we keep on and do what we do and never let on that we are sad and hurt and feel a little alone and unrecognized because deep down we know that we are an integral part of their lives and one that they could not function without. So we find out peace and happiness in our self reliance and inner strength and knowing that we are happy and able to make it in life without anyone but ourselves.

I am not complaining at all...this is who I am and regardless of being a military spouse, I have always been this way and nurtured and taken care of my husband. I just find it interesting that they call us dependent, when in reality, we don't need anyone to hold our hands or do anything for us...we've got this life down pat, single handedly and are anything but dependent. We find a strength deep within us to carry on and to go without the physical, emotional or mental support that we might other wise need and want.

So take pride in knowing that YOU are probably the reason your spouse is so successful and know that you are an amazing person and are valued and stronger than you know. You are far from dependent-you are a military spouse and are stronger than even you may realize.